Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
