Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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