I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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