I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
