Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck appropriateness.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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