Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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