there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
