In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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