some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
