I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
