Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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