just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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