he wants to bone in the snuggie
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
