it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
