the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
