There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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