The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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