Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
