Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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