I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
