When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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