waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
