Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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