We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
