He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
