yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
