We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
