youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
