If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
