My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
