I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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