that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
wow bdsm is so cute
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
