Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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