i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sarcasm needs its own font
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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