hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
