Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
