I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
