She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
