Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
