After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
