I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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