you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
