fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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