Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
