No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
