So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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