You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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