I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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