When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
