I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
