I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Green mimosas i think yes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
