I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
