how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
