Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
