I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
