david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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